Sitting down to write this note for The Spire, I am mindful that this season which we enter, for all of its scheduled festivities, can be difficult for many, myself included. We enter the deep fall season and into winter. The All Saints Celebration opened the month of November. There, we marked sacred time to remember loved ones who have not died, but rather who have been promoted. The holidays to follow also summon remembrance of the faces and voices of those whom, as loved ones gather, are no longer here physically. In a season of high celebrations, for many, sorrow and heartache also rise closer to the surface. I offer this month’s reflection with such persons and such sorrows in mind.
Love, in all of its forms, is a wonderful gift. In the experience of love of any kind between one person and another, the heart easily forgets or refuses to remember that in this world, neither person is here forever. Rather both are passing through. In every life, there comes a time when that “passing through” is completed. How hard it is for the heart to be reminded of a thing it would prefer to never ever ponder.
When I consider any of the loved ones who have completed their “passing through’ in my life, and say to myself “they were not mean to stay here forever”…..is that true? It doesn’t feel quite true, not entirely…and I ponder what it is in me that pauses at the phrase “not meant to stay here forever”. Somehow it feels a lie and the truth all at once.
“Not here”….True, I no longer have sight of them. My ears are deprived of their voice and their laughter…yet my mind recalls them, my heart feels them often. In my memories, in the story that is my life, do they not remain and very often reappear? In my character, in my mannerisms, in my habit, in my speech, they indeed reappear quite often. I may say they have passed through, but I cannot say they are gone. I may say they have finished passing through, but never that they have passed away.
I cannot and would not deny the sadness or ache that love for the “passed through” may at times now be. At the same time, I dare not deny the wonder, the joy, that God ever decorated the landscape of my life, ever shaped this life of mine, ever highlighted the story of “me” with such a person and such a love.
So if in this season, sorrow of longing in my heart should arise, I know that longing to be testimony that I was loved by them, and also testimony that I was given the chance, the wondrous chance, to love them in turn. Even more, I know love does not cease any more than the soul could ever cease to be. So it is that I am loved by them still…and love them still. Indeed, for this, I give thanks. Even in this often difficult season, perhaps in defiance of this often difficult season, I give thanks. I give thanks for the love I have known and the love that has known me. And in every day, whether my heart be sorrowful, grateful, or both, I will carry on loving.
Pastor Joe