My daughter hasn’t reached her second birthday and yet she marvels at her mommy’s makeup case. Most mornings, the bathroom floor rivals a post parade scene – only instead of candy, think cosmetics: Eye shadows and lip gloss, skin moisturizer and mousse slowly accumulate like an early dusting of snow beneath the bathroom vanity.
And the jewelry…don’t get me started about the jewelry. Bethany jumps at the chance to jumble bracelets, bands and watches up her arms, turning her limbs into ornate, undulating caterpillars. She stacks necklaces on her neck in a way that would make Mister T jealous.
One can only speculate about a little girl’s fascination with such things. Emily and I never really imposed it on her or overtly encouraged her to do it. It just happened. I’ve pondered perhaps she does it partly out of curiosity, partly because she’s patterned her mommy’s movements and partly because she senses it’s the stuff of another stage of life that she doesn’t yet grasp or understand, but badly wants to discover. I’m not completely sure.
But I do know this (and Emily will affirm it. Just ask her): Without fail, almost always after applying the eyeshadow in streaks across her cheek, and the lipgloss smeared in a sticky mess across her mouth, with the traffic jam of jewelry vying for space on her body, she seeks the face of her father.
Indeed, my daughter consistently depends on mom for much: comfort, care, a kiss here and a caress there, but she dresses up with the determination to catch her daddy’s eye. No doubt, she needs her mother’s affection, but she wants her father’s approval. It’s as if she seeks the answer to a question that burns like an ember deep within her heart:
“What does daddy think of me when he looks at me? Does he delight in me? If I passed by, am I pretty enough to be picked up? Would he care to come after me? If there is a Maker, do I matter?”
Toddler to adolescent, adolescent to teen, and teenager to adult, our ages and stages change, but those deep-down, fundamental, existential questions cling to us like too much perfume or over-applied lip gloss. Some people go to the grave with the question unanswered; some can’t conceive of a heavenly Father’s love in the vertical because of the wound they’ve incurred from their earthly father in the horizontal. Many work their fingers to the bone convinced they’ve got to earn it, while others attempt to quell the burning internal question with external pursuits that pacify for a time, but do not satisfy for eternity.
“What does the Lord think of when he looks at me? Does my appearance appease God? Would God care to come after me?”
At the end of the day, despite our best efforts, we are spiritually what Bethany is cosmetically – an all-out mess. However, in the eyes of her father, despite the all-out mess, it’s an all-out race to receive her. Why? Because she’s mine…and her daddy beholds the profound beauty that no blemish could ever conceal. What Bethany sees as she approaches her father is one who’s waiting with open arms.
What does the Lord think of when he looks at you? Want to know whether God would care to come after you with open arms? Look upon the craggy hill outside of Jerusalem. Atop is a bloodstained cross which contains a sin-soaked Savior with arms outstretched. Ask the question again…and there you’ll get your answer.
Pastor Jake